lomo- the yellow kitchen

Day 3 of infected foot. I had to leave the house to pick up essential reading from Library... though I've been re-reading Tom Hodgkinson's How to be Free and as I knit and knit and knit - he reminds me that there is so much satisfaction in being a creator instead of a consumer.

Being ill is wearing  not just because I am actually very tired (made tireder by an infuriating conversation with a 'friend' this morning who implied that I was being lazy). The continual struggle for one's own sense of okayness despite being ill threw me back to my bought with ME. Interstingly enough last ngiht a friend who has also been strugging with health issues came to dinner. Being throughly open about our various ailments was almost cheery - I think the relief to be able to be open about them. And they are shit and her's are shit too.

Actually recognising the real material conditions of your life as it is NOW is very liberating.  Giving up the pretense that everything is OK or fixable with more effort on your part... when often things are not fixable - it is sometimes better just to rise past them instead of struggling along with them. I too had one of these revelations - a year of job applications and nothing... tells me something I'm not quite sure what yet but something and repeating the rince cycle again and again is not one of them.

Being ill is like a small sabaticall or retrest and like all retreats moments of clarity can appear out of the stopping.

Meanwhile I knit slowly on the sofa, referee cats, and slowly cook meals from scratch.